I was really surprised by all the support I got from my last entry. I honestly expected no one to say a thing. I even had some readers pm me sharing their own struggles with their own invisible illness.
It’s still a struggle. Some days are better than others. Some days it even seems like the depression monster is non-existent. Last week for some reason it was a difficult one. Even despite being surrounded by so many people and talking to my wonderful husband, I couldn’t shake that feeling of loneliness and isolation. That the people around me didn’t even care. They couldn’t see or even begin to understand my inner turmoil.
It’s hard to open up to people about my depression. I find people will react in a few different ways. Mainly they don’t take it seriously and brush it off. Others will just say it’ll pass. Very rarely will anyone say “I understand, do you want to talk about it?”
Then coupled with how difficult my course has been, my depression begins to spiral out of control. I begin to lose my motivation to try because I feel like a complete failure. That nothing I do is good enough. Then slight criticisms cut deep. Things that shouldn’t bother me hurt so badly. And it’s hard to be away from your loved ones for so long. It’s hard not seeing them on a daily basis. I don’t have my support team with me.
Sorry this kind of went a bit down hill. Didn’t mean for it to get so dark. I began this entry on a happier tone and had hoped to keep it that way, because I’m not having one of my down days. I promise my next entry will not take such a dark turn. I’m trying to keep positive 😀