28 Nov 2014
These last 2 weeks have been brutal. We did our weapons training, which I was not looking forward to at all. I’m not big on using weapons. I know, I’m in the military I have to learn. But in my line of work I will rarely, if ever, be required to fire a weapon.
This morning was the dreaded weapons test. I was a ball of stress and nerves. The staff testing me could tell. I know my shit, it’s just I hate practical tests. I over think everything and make really, REALLY stupid mistakes. I made a very bad and critical mistake during my test. I was so nervous that I kept forgetting to do one simple step. So I failed. But, silver lining, we get to retest on Monday. They understand that a vast majority of us have never used a weapon until now and our fail rate was apparently average.
It still didn’t make me feel any better. I was mentally beating myself up the entire day. After the test I went to the bathroom and cried it out. Yes, I cried. I was so disappointed in myself. I hate failing. And I especially hate failing for something so stupid. Stupid on my part.
Thankfully I have the weekend to de-stress, study and practice. I do not want to fail again. I know my mistake and I vow not to make it again!
1 Dec 2014
Holy crap it’s December! Where the fuck did the time go!? Today was a “fun” day. First thing this morning was the weapons retest. Everyone passed! Pretty sure the main reason we all failed in the first place was nerves.
In the afternoon we did the FORCE test again. We originally did it back in week 1. This was to see how much we have improved. I improved in everything! My biggest improvement would have been the sandbag lift. You pick up a 40lb sandbag 1 meter, drop it, jump over 1 meter and repeat 30 times.
My original time was 2:05. This time mine was 1:40! I was very proud of myself. It wasn’t easy, but it felt easier than last time. I didn’t feel out of breath or struggle much. But I went in with a game plan. You have 3:30 to complete it. I calculated it out that I’d need to do a minimum of 7-8 lifts per minute. And when I thought about that way, it didn’t seem so daunting. I also paced myself. Slow and steady wins the race. I didn’t worry about how long I was taking, I just focused on my form. I made sure I was getting a good grip and kept my breathing in check.
The only thing I did worse on was the beep test. But to be fair I had my left calf wrapped in a tensor bandage. I strained it about a year ago and it’s been bothering me lately. Any ways, the beep test was at the very end and by the time I got to stage 2.5 my clasp broke on the bandage. So the bandage began to unravel, which made my leg begin to ache. I pushed as far as I could and dropped out during stage 3. I was so mad! I could have kept going! My cardio was great! Just my fucking leg! ARG!!